I have fallen in love one time, and it was the most painful fall I’ve ever taken. It left me gasping for air, and he never caught me for the landing. He left me to bleed, and on my own, I was forced to pick up the pieces of my broken heart and shattered reality. I was 20, and terribly naive. I kissed for the first time, opened up for the first time, loved for the first time on a plane I didn’t know I could exist on. From then on out, I promised never to feel that way again. I didn’t want it again. The fluttering heart, the starry eyed looks, the poetry and lies whispered in a Foreign tongue . I jumped from boy to boy, man to man. I was cold. I was relentless. I had a personal vendetta again these “pathetic” hearts and bodies that had tortured me for so long; Lying to them and myself, breaking myself down, and causing more damage then I could comprehend at the time. I created monster that knew how to play the game, and had started to eat away at me, and I didn’t try to hide it. I found the prettiest faces, and exposed them for the liars they were. Then I met you. You caused me to expose myself for the bitch that i was. You changed my life, without even realizing it. I still don’t think you do. I had no idea that you’d be the one I’d want to be with. It slapped me in the face, and you tingled at my minds edge for reasons I could not understand. You slowly molded into my world, and I’m growing more and more comfortable every day I wake up beside you. I push, you pull. I pout, you smile. I cry, you hold. Despite my flaws, you embrace them so wholly, and I’m baffled at what to do. I’m always a week behind you in feelings, but somehow, I’m catching up. I’m so broken, but you cradle the pieces, and treasure every shattered bit of my imperfect self. I’m falling again, but I can breathe. I’m landing in a place I thought I was never worthy to be in. I’m not your doll to throw around. I’m your girl. And you’re my man. And I have no idea what to do. I don’t know what I’m doing, but I’m letting it all happen. And I’m happy. And I love you. And I hurt you. I don’t mean to be so quite. So unpredictable. So unwilling and unable to express how I feel. I want to learn to love again, but it’s hard for me to know how. I’m sorry for it all. But I’m learning, day by day. The damage those men caused, and the pain and insecurities I brought upon myself; I wish you didn’t have to silently suffer them. But you’ve held me through it all. And I love you. I just pray you’re still around when I’m ready to say it back.